hot stuff

today we tried on bug's halloween costume for size. i was lusting after the baby yoda costume for $29.99 but our friends found us this one for $3 and once i put him in it, it was like yoda who? i don't like chili peppers much but this is one that i would eat up if i could. how cute is he??

Our God is in charge, alive and on the move

I have been meaning to post this when we got back from Mexico but the time has just gotten away from me. TBL is napping so I'm trying to get caught up on some things. All of our efforts for our last Mexico trip was made worth it by one of the last patients we saw. The whole trip would have been worth it just for helping his lady and her son. It is evidence that the God I serve is alive and on the move.

In the fall of 2006 we took our second trip to Mazatlan. Our friends, Amber, Toni and Lance were with us on that trip. One of the clinics we ran was at a colonia called Tres Palmas. The church built a school in this colonia as the city did not feel it needed a school to educate the children of the 'dump scroungers'. The church stepped in and built the school for them. One of the patients we saw that day was a young woman whose chief complaint was 'my arm won't move'. Well I am always a bit cynical and in my head thought, 'of course it moves, it may hurt but it moves. everyone's arm moves'. Turns out I was wrong. This gal is unable to move her arm. She was hit by a car crossing the major highway in front of the colonia and must have injured her brachial plexus (the nerves that run basically through your armpit and control your arm). There is nothing that could be done for her. Even with the best physical therapy in the States she probably wouldn't have regained much if any movement.

Two years ago or so the government in the form of trucks of armed policeman showed up at Tres Palmas and told everyone they had to leave. No one actually owned the land they were living on and apparently someone bought it so the government was going to relocate the 'squatters' to another place. The people were given very little time to pack up their entire lives and move (I think less than an hour). The church quickly found out about it from a teacher at the school and took action. They went out with vehicles and manpower to help people move. The people were told they were being relocated to land that had been developed with power and sewage and divided into lots. When the people were taken to their new colonia called Loma Bonita (pretty hills) they were essentially dropped off in a field with nothing the government had promised. The church ran the mobile kitchen for months to help feed the people and they continued the school under plastic tarps. The residents of the new Loma Bonita are a resilent bunch and just started building their houses all over again. We now run clinics at Loma Bonita.

Back to the lady who can't move her arm, so now she lives at Loma Bonita. Last January we were there and she and I were both pregnant. We discussed when our babies were due and were excited to see each other again in the fall so our children could meet. So on our last day of clinic, here she comes pushing a baby carriage with her son in it. She came right over to me and was so excited to see Lucas. Her son was sick and needed to be seen. Apparently he was seen the day before at the hospital but she cannot afford the medicine and the breathing machine they recommended he use. He was having trouble breathing and had a bad cough. He saw our pediatrician, Dr Cara, and she knew exactly what he needed. If God wasn't with us before, here is where He showed up.
--we had the exact right inhaler to give him; we never buy inhalers as they are too expensive but take down some donated ones from time to time so our supply is always questionable.
--an infant needs a spacer which is an air chamber device to help deliver the medication from the inhaler. for the three clinics before this our pharmacist, Angie, was making spacers out small cardboard neosporin boxes that she rigged with tape. earlier this morning our nurse Roxie was cleaning out the triage box and found a spacer. we have had it in there for a few years and never remember we have it until after we actually need it. not today. Roxie had probably 30 minutes before this lady came found the spacer and gave it to Angie. they laughed about how helpful this would have been yesterday when Angie was making spacers like MacGyver. but if we had found it earlier, we would have surely given it away and not had it for this little boy
--the child also needed some steriod which we didn't have in liquid form but also quite randomly had in pill form. Angie had asked Bill before we left if she should bring her mortar and pestle with her. Bill kind of laughed knowing what a slip shot pharmacy we actually have and that Angie would not be compounding medications. well Angie didn't listen to Bill and brought it anyway. so now she was able to crush the medication safely for mom to give to the baby

as all this was going on I was watching it unfold and had this innate sense of this being the reason we had come. sure, we had seen 100s of other patients but it seemed like it all came down to this lady and her ill son. maybe it is because i have a son now the same age and can't imagine how helpless you must feel to have him be sick and without resources to help him. maybe it is because i remember her from that clinic long ago and have seen how she has coped with her disability. God knew exactly what we needed to treat this little boy. it is just the way He works ... how everything came together from the inhaler to the discovery of the lost spacer to the mortar and pestle.

this encounter gave our whole tired, weary, hot team the much needed boost. it reconfirmed our mission in Mexico and reenergized my faith. this i know...

God is in charge, his Son, Jesus, is alive risen from the dead and the Holy Spirit is on the move. sure the mystery of the Trinity is theologically confusing, but that doesn't mean it doesn't work.

another video

this one is off my camera and i think this is easier

Lucas playing

This is my first attempt to export from the video camera to the computer and the blog via youtube.

baby yoda or a sheep?

we got this great shot of lucas today when his onesie was half way on. hilarious. he looks like baby yoda or a sheep. i have decided not to post tons of pictures on the blog as my blog storage space is being quickly used up; rather i am going to be putting most of my pictures on facebook. for those of you who follow my blog and are not on facebook, please let me know your email addresses and i can give you access to those photo albums if you would like.

sad already

i think i have been having trouble the past few days with my milk supply. TBL has been getting up more at night to eat, fussier while eating and i'm not getting much when i pump. ugh! makes me stressed though i know stress can make it worse. we tried our second kind of formula yesterday and he wouldn't drink it. i barely have enough milk for tomorrow. i didn't know how i would like breast feeding. it has been painful and challenging and wonderful and tiring. TBl usually holds on to my breast with both hands when he eats and sometimes pauses eating for a smile and a laugh like he is just having the time of his life nursing. a few nights ago when i picked him up to change him to the other side, he thought he had arrived and grabbed both sides of my face and began to try to suck my nose. it was so sweet and wonderful to feel his little hands on my face. he quickly realized he wasn't where we wanted to be and there was almost an audible sigh of relief when he arrived in the proper position to eat again. my friend ellen just said when she stopped nursing her son she cried and i was thinking, i'm not going to be sad. i'll have more freedom and less pain etc but sitting in my afternoon meetings thinking that i may be done nursing TBL made me almost start to cry. whether it ends tomorrow or in 12 months, i'm desperately sad already. it is not for everyone and some women cannot do it to no fault of their own, but it sure is for me and TBL. i love to watch him eat, drinking in his smell and having him fall asleep on my lap. seriously this is the best life ever. my mom was right. thank you Jesus for my sweet bug and please help my milk not dry up just yet-- i'm not quite done with nursing my son.

no greater compliment

I have always had the sense that I was blessed with an extraordinary unique set of parents. I don't look anything like either of them but I do know that I am theirs. I have seen the blurry pics still on slides that my dad took during my delivery. My dad has a famously steady hand but apparently it was shaky the day I was born due to excitement over having a baby girl. I was louder and more vocal than either of my parents and I never grew up with people saying you are just like your mom or just like your dad. I look like my Grandma Cook and my volume of my voice comes from my dad and the rate and quantity of speech comes from my mother.

Now as a mom, I realize I am just like my mother. Sometimes Bill says 'Ok Linda (my mom's name)' when I make a crazy statement like "don't put the little plastic $1 fan too close to TBL's face for you may snip off his nose" etc. My mom is indeed a bit overcautious with us but after carrying and delivering TBL I know my mom is just being overprotective of her investments.

She was a wreck when we decided to take TBL to Mexico. Calling all the time with something else to be worried about and I assured her we had it under control. My brothers and I so highly regard our parent's influence and advice that sometimes the line is a bit blurry. My brother, David, said to me while I was talking to him while in the Houston airport that "I can't believe Mom is letting you take Lucas to Mexico". A funny comment really because Lucas is actually my child but a sweet comment too because the three of us, Cook kids, hold our parents in such high esteem that we don't really do anything they don't 'give permission' for even in our late 30s.

While growing up I would recommend movies to my mom like 'My Girl' and 'Steal Magnolias' and my mom refused to watch them. After a terrible recovery after watching 'Terms of Endearment' she hasn't watched any movies or read any books about a child dying before a parent or a parent dying and leaving her children. I used to think she was crazy. She missed out so many good movies and books. But now I know she is not crazy. She is just a mother. The thought of anything happening to me before I get to see Lucas grow up is horrifying. The thought of anything happening to Lucas is paralyzing. I almost stop breathing thinking of my child hurt. I was picking out library books for our trip and while reading the book jackets, this is what happened.

Book #1 "While grieving the loss of her child..." -nope not that one

Book #2 "Dealing with her mother's untimely death..." -nope not that one

Book #3 "Surviving the kidnapping of her 4 year old..."- seriously are these supposed to be entertaining?

I am going to be reading comic books at this rate. I did finally find some 'non offensive' books to check out and then on the walk home picked up my phone and called my mom to tell her I finally understand.

I may not look like my mom, but I am just like her. Call me Linda all you want. Think I am crazy for steering away from 'entertainment' which puts voice to my greatest fears. There is no greater compliment.