Habbakuk 1:5b

"For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe even if you were told." Habbakuk 1:5b

Monday, October 5, 2009

sad already

i think i have been having trouble the past few days with my milk supply. TBL has been getting up more at night to eat, fussier while eating and i'm not getting much when i pump. ugh! makes me stressed though i know stress can make it worse. we tried our second kind of formula yesterday and he wouldn't drink it. i barely have enough milk for tomorrow. i didn't know how i would like breast feeding. it has been painful and challenging and wonderful and tiring. TBl usually holds on to my breast with both hands when he eats and sometimes pauses eating for a smile and a laugh like he is just having the time of his life nursing. a few nights ago when i picked him up to change him to the other side, he thought he had arrived and grabbed both sides of my face and began to try to suck my nose. it was so sweet and wonderful to feel his little hands on my face. he quickly realized he wasn't where we wanted to be and there was almost an audible sigh of relief when he arrived in the proper position to eat again. my friend ellen just said when she stopped nursing her son she cried and i was thinking, i'm not going to be sad. i'll have more freedom and less pain etc but sitting in my afternoon meetings thinking that i may be done nursing TBL made me almost start to cry. whether it ends tomorrow or in 12 months, i'm desperately sad already. it is not for everyone and some women cannot do it to no fault of their own, but it sure is for me and TBL. i love to watch him eat, drinking in his smell and having him fall asleep on my lap. seriously this is the best life ever. my mom was right. thank you Jesus for my sweet bug and please help my milk not dry up just yet-- i'm not quite done with nursing my son.

5 comments:

Jenn/Ev said...

Hey Katie, I had trouble with my milk supply a couple weeks ago too. Rowan seemed really hungry and I wasn't producing as much milk as I thought I should be--I even gave her a bottle of formula one night as I didn't have anything left for her and she was still hungry. I was able to "correct" my supply issues by drinking even more water than usual (I tried to get at least 3-4 L/day) and taking 2 tablets of Fenugreek Extract (350 mg each, made by Solaray and available at the Co-op) every time I nursed during the day. I did it for about a week and by day 4 my milk supply was better.

I hope this helps, but either way I understand your sadness (just the thought of starting solid foods makes me feel a little tearful!) and GO MOM!!!

Jenn

Erica Byers said...

Oh Kate...I so know how you are feeling! Even when I didn't make enough for all day I was still able to nurse in the morning and at bedtime for a while and then just in the morning. It didn't go away all at once for me...I am praying for you!

love you! Erica

Jen said...

Because of my supply issues, I'm down to two nursings a day - first thing in the AM before I go to work and when I first get home from work. I stopped pumping at work this week - I have to admit it is kind of nice to be a little more free.

However, I'll continue those two nursings as long as Molly Ann will take them. And then the one, when it gets to that. And I'll be grateful that I was able to nurse her at all when she completely weans.

Emotionally letting go of it, though, was tough and took several weeks. So it's totally Ok and natural to feel sad.

Heather Weber said...

Hey Katie! I was just going to say the same thing as Jen! Fenugreek saved my life when I was working and pumping and nursing. It's also helped many of my friends over the years. Good luck, sister!

Amber said...

I agree with the Fenugreek suggestion! It works!! Take the tablet, not the tea - which tastes like rotten Anise. Blech. And water too! Tons of water!!
I remember the last night I nursed Ella so vividly! I dragged out weaning forever, and cried when I was done. One more reason Tim was certain that I had completely lost touch with reality in the months post-partum!! I was relieved to be done, and yet sad at the same time!