Lucas totally weaned himself this morning, the day he turned 9 mo old. I know it has been coming. I stopped pumping a few weeks ago and he was getting all formula bottles at day care. Then at home last week he didn't want to seem to nurse during the day so I fed him bottles. Then three days ago he didn't want to nurse before bed so he got a bottle and this morning he wasn't interested in nursing either. I honestly thought he'd keep his morning feeding for a while- despite my fatigue that was my favorite. So sniggly and hungry in the morning. Bill and a few friends have asked if I'm sad. Honestly it is hard not to be a little sad. I know Lucas isn't rejecting me or doing it on purpose to be mean. I know he is just growing up. But mixed with my sadness is 9 months of success. For 9 months I have basically fed him every three hours. When I was at work, I pumped for him every three hours. For those first 6-8 weeks I was up every three hours. I nourished my son, gave him the best of everything I had.
I think back to like day 2-3 when I had scabs that Lucas would pull off and I would bleed and his spit up was blood tinged and I was on the phone sobbing with the lactation lady and my mom was sitting next to me rubbing my back as I sobbed. And how for the first 3 weeks I followed Aunt Mary's advice and bit down on a burb cloth as he latched on as not to howl in pain. And how after that, just like everyone said, it got so much better. So easy. So natural. I just love sitting with him in the rocker with both his hands holding on while he is eating. He was such a good nurser from hour 1.
I will cherish my memories. How he would fall off, turn his head to look up and smile as if to make sure I was still there or as if to say 'Thanks Mom' and then he would go right back to eating. Or sometimes he would just unlatch, chuckle a bit as if to say 'my life is so great right now' and then go back to eating. How many hours I got to sit quiet and still with my son, rubbing his back, reading him books. I didn't know if any of this 'mom stuff' was for me when I was pregnant. I didn't put much thought into breast feeding or not; I just assumed I would. I am so glad I did. My initial goal was 4 mo and I made it to 9 and I would keep going but Lucas has decided he's done. I am so proud of what I have accomplished. I know a lot of moms who want to and can't so I consider myself lucky. I am trying to remind myself of all the positives today. Now I can have fully caffeinated beverages, as much as I want in a 24 hour period. I haven't had that freedom for 18 months. I am looking forward to Erica's promise that these last 5-8 lbs will come off now that I am not nursing. Now I have more freedom and am totally free of the pump. I can get rid of my nursing bras. But with listing all those, I am still sad. And I think that is more than OK, I think that is normal.
2 comments:
my fav nursing memories are when the boys would fall asleep and they would have this drunk milk smile and a little bit of milk would dribble off the corner of their mouth. I could have watched them like that for hours.
Amy B.
I will always cherish the memories of nursing Jesse and Molly. I, too, loved the morning nursing sessions - when it was just me and my baby in the dark and quiet of the house. So precious.
Way to go, Mom.
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