Twas early morning of December 13th

'Twas early morning of December 13th, when all through the house

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse because Bill caught it in the kitchen last week

Two stockings were hung on the stair railing by dental floss a job half complete because prego mamma can't remember who's is whose

In hopes that someone else would finish putting them up

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of chocolate chip pancakes, studying for finals and bickering with each other danced in their heads;

And mamma with her fat prego belly, and I with my bald head,

Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

I thought about springing from the bed to see what was the matter but it was over so fast and I thought he just hit the trash cans so I didn't do anything but roll over and tell my prego wife that that guy is not on the lawn in his car but just on the curb knocking over the trashcans.

And then we woke up this morning. This is where the cute rhyming poem ends. That crazy driver got up on our lawn across the driveway and knocked 2 almost 3 of our hedges down. He barely miss our neighbors house. I think the hedges slowed him. He barely missed the church van which resides in our driveway. He barely missed the $500 tree we had planted two years ago on our front lawn. He barely missed our house. Oh I'm pissed. Even if Bill had sprung up to see what was the matter, he probably wouldn't have seen anything. It was the middle of the night and by the time he got downstairs, the car was probably gone and his contacts are always a big foggy first thing from sleeping. My mom says "look on the bright side, you wanted those hedges trimmed". My dad says call local body shops and see if anyone comes in with twigs stuck under their car and then take one of our twigs in for comparison; he always is thinking logically. I called and made a police report in case someone else saw something or some guy got picked up for reckless driving a few blocks away from our house last night. I know nothing will come of it, but it felt good to have Iowa City's finest standing on the porch taking information as if he was all concerned about it. We'll have a hole in our hedges for years I'm sure to match the pile of rock on the driveway (going on year 2) and the pile of dirt on the lawn (going on year 1) all of which we have the best of intentions to do some landscaping with.

Here is a look at the newly-trimmed-by-a-crazy-person's-car hedge

And a close up

And a tire track shot in case I find myself in a court room with Joe Pesci and Marissa Tomei debating what kind of car's suspension can get over a curb and still make flat parallel marks like these

And Bill was right, he did knock over the trash can. Poor trash can lid, you've seen better days!