He is Risen Indeed

Lent is over; the time of reflection and preparation is passed. Christ is Risen from the grave. It was a strange Easter Sunday today. I wasn't quite prepared. I hadn't reflected enough. Though I made a conscious decision to have an active Lent, I didn't go a very good job. Honestly, I was lousy at it. I figured out something about myself, however, which I have been too afraid to name before. I have no self discipline, really none whatsoever. I had the book to read daily and was planning to spend time with Jesus every day. I did OK at the start of Lent but then one day became the next and then I was cramming many days of reading into one hurried reading. And then the last two weeks, I have spent not one minute thinking about Jesus and His time in the desert and His time preparing for his own death. The book sat idle on my bed side table as I picked up other, more 'fun' books to read before sleepy time.

Today we went out to lunch after church with friends and Bill has his first beer after 40+ day fast from it. He was so excited when it came to the table and had that first glorious sip. I was sad as I drank my diet coke. I remember that glorious feeling last year having a diet coke after such a long fast and the sense of accomplishment I had. I am feeling mixed up because I know that is not what Lent is about really but I missed not having that sense of relief from a hard fast. That comes back to self discipline. I think if I was more disciplined I would have stuck with it again this year and fasted. Maybe having an active fast was really a way out for me from suffering. I am not good at it. When Bill runs, he runs through fatigue and pain and suffering to finish that lap or that mile. I just stop and walk when I've had enough. I'm getting better though, setting small goals when I want to start walking- just to that corner or until the song on my Ipod is over. Maybe my running will help me learn self discipline. It is just so easy to stop when no one is looking.

That is it, that is the bottom line of my struggling... it is just so easy to stop when no one is looking. That is what I am going to work on, in and out of Lent, on and off the track. Please pray for me, encourage me and feel free to ask me how I am doing.

However mixed up my mind is. However undiscplined I am. However avoiding of suffering I am. However incapable I am of writing with proper sentence structure. Christ is Risen and death reigns no more. I am free. Alleluia.

Below is the chorus of my new favorite worship song we have sung the last few weeks at church. I recommend listening to it at http://www.myspace.com/shaneandshane and then click on We love you Jesus. It can also be bought on Itunes.

We love you Jesus for so many reasons
For death, life and freedom
Even now we love you
We love you Jesus in and out of seasons
In valleys and top of mountains even now can we sing
We love you Jesus